Best lines to get out of a speeding ticket?

[Non-polygamist]

I recently got pulled over by a motorcycle cop and he let me off with a warning because I made him laugh. What’s your strategy to get out of a ticket?

 

[Toadman005]

Tell him my wife told me to get home in a hurry to give her the cod.

 

[saturdaysarebetter]

How about not speeding in the first place? Novel idea huh?

 

[Preacherman]

How about not speeding in the first place? Novel idea huh?

 

[Preacherman]

You know it was a valiant effort if your wife tells you how stupid you were for even trying it.

 

[Toadman005]

How about not speeding in the first place? Novel idea huh?

PUSSY!

 

[LSU02]

Tell 'em "your child just called and said your pet was giving birth".

 

[saturdaysarebetter]

PUSSY!

CRIMINAL LAW BREAKER!!!

 

[OldDevilDawg]

My ex-wife left me for a police officer 2 years ago. I thought you were trying to bring her back.

 

[CB3UK]

How about not speeding in the first place? Novel idea huh?

 

[R0D DANGERFIELD]

 

[Fishin-4-a-Livin]

Remind him that you pay his salary and that you will have his badge.

That usually does the trick

 

[Non-polygamist]

Remind him that you pay his salary and that you will have his badge.

That usually does the trick

What if it’s a chick? (Non-dike)

 

[R0D DANGERFIELD]

What if it’s a chick? (Non-dike)

Offer her the D.

 

[Hang On Sloopy08]

I got out of a DUI in college at 2:00am by tossing the keys to the cop as he walked up to my car and said “you got me”. He said “I know I got you, you almost hit ever parked car on the street”. He was so floored by my honesty and was already having a shit night. He asked me where I lived and I pointed I was at my house but too drunk to get my friend’s car in reverse to parallel park because it was a stick shift. He told me I had 2 minutes to get in the space or we’d be going downtown. I sobered up and slipped it in. He turned off the blue lights and drove away.

 

[Non-polygamist]

I sobered up and slipped it in.

How tight was it?

 

[R0D DANGERFIELD]

I got out of a DUI in college at 2:00am by tossing the keys to the cop as he walked up to my car and said “you got me”. He said “I know I got you, you almost hit ever parked car on the street”. He was so floored by my honesty and was already having a shit night. He asked me where I lived and I pointed I was at my house but too drunk to get my friend’s car in reverse to parallel park because it was a stick shift. He told me I had 2 minutes to get in the space or we’d be going downtown. I sobered up and slipped it in. He turned off the blue lights and drove away.

Oh, I just bet you slipped it in.

 

[Toadman005]

Remind him that you pay his salary and that you will have his badge.

That usually does the trick

FISH!!!