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Isn’t there a clause that says each American will receive $1000?

Yeah, this has never happened to me. I’m feeling ok right now except it’s still hard to drink water.

So I go out at 9pm and everything is closed except for this A&W. So the diner’s closed — I stand at the drive thru and order a burger. I sit down on a curb to eat my burger and I couldn’t even get two bites down. The whole way home I had to stop, puke, and then continue walking hunched over...

I just hope I can get smokes and chicken wings during this tough time

I had to run after the post lady but I got it before it went to the post office.

Oh yeah, and no gatherings over 50 people

I’m laughing because I’m imagining your wife on the phone rolling her eyes after saying “look”

The premier made a statement and I haven’t seen or listened to it but radio commentators are saying everyone should just sit inside and watch TV but I’ve been out for coffee. 50% reduction in coffee shops and restaurants. Nightclubs are shut down. Bars are shut down. McDonald’s dining area is...

*get

“4 hours isn’t a lot of time — I’ve gotta hey ever y hair right and doing both testicles so close together is going to be really tough.”

Could you imagine Dave Navarro walking in on Ink Master and he’s like “ok gang! You all have 4 hours — to tattoo a REALISTIC ball sack — on your canvas’ forehead!”

Is today B?

What!? Are you for real?

They bring in this master chef and he looks at their Tex Mex burger which was like covered in chilies and shit and it looked fucking delicious, but the chef was like “I’m not even going to take one bite of that.” Like fuck man, sometimes that sloppy dive food is really good

They make gross food at the beginning of the show and I’m sitting there like “I’d eat that.”