So I was outside mowing the lawn when I got swarmed by a handful of the little bastards. Immediately I head inside because I’m not fighting a surprise attack. After a while I go back out and investigate to find a hive that had been built in a hole in the ground. A good five or six dozen of the angry demons coming and going. This is an invasion of my sovereign land. War has been declared. I got out there with spray and a lighter. Let’s burn these fuckers to the ground. That only seemed to make them mad. So I wait for nightfall. While the enemy sleeps I pour a gallon of bleach and a gallon of ammonia into the hole. Now, was I aware of how deadly that can be for people? No. Once both liquids had been poured in I sealed the hole with bricks and went inside, dizzy but satisfied that I gassed every single one of them back to the pits of hell from which they came.
The next day I go out to the front yard. No yellow jackets. Eat shit you flying abominations!
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Then I realize I still have to mow the back yard. I had been sidetracked with a war I didn’t start but damn sure finished.
I walk back there and a swarm of thousands and I do mean thousands are flying around with murder in their tiny little bug hearts.
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This calls for backup. I call an exterminator. He shows up and says to me, “Alright let’s see what we’re dealing with here.” He walks to the backyard. Says nothing. Turns around, walks back to his truck and gets back inside. He leaves and returns later in a hazmat suit with a fire hose of poison and the battle begins.
This poor son of a bitch is out there spraying all over the place with no rhyme or reason just trying to get to the main hive which is built into the wooden railroad ties that I use around the flower bed. This goes on for what seems like the whole day. I’m watching from the window and can see these black and yellow kamikazes flying right into the fog trying to get this guy. By the time it was over there were so many bodies scattered around the yard that you could literally sweep them up into a pile and hide a football behind it.
I took a few stings and swelled up pretty good. Couldn’t walk for a couple of days my legs were so big. In the end, they fought hard but they all fell.
Those creatures are not from this world. You’ll never convince me otherwise.
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