My 42 year old wife wants a baby

[batchaps4me]

Yeah, my great great great grandfather was born 1769, pre revolutionary war.

We only had one generation like that. Me and my twin were the 5th and 6th children from Dad and Mom and my son is 2 years older than my baby brother(Mom passed and dad married a woman younger than his first three kids).

 

[Big 8 Rules]

Ok, let me put this out there from the perspective of the youngest of four boys. My mom was 38 when I was born and my dad was 40. My oldest brother is 15 yrs older than me and my closest brother is 4 yrs older than me. The number one thing I remember when I was really young is that everybody else's parents were in their 20's or so, and my parents looked ancient beside them when ever they came to school functions. More than once I had to endure voices around me snickering when they would see the blatent age difference in my parents and theirs... my friends would meet them and say "Damn dude, is that really yer dad? He looks like he is as old as my grandpa."

Another thing that sticks out is how my grandparents died before I was 20. I fee like I really missed out on a lot of quality time with them, as well. As I got older, my parents health became an issue. My dad had smoked all his life so by the time I had kids all they remember of their grandfather is that he was this ancient guy who dragged around an oxygen bottle everywhere he went. He passed when I was 35. I still miss him to this day and wish we had been able to spend more time together.

Now, My mom far outlived Pops, and lived to the ripe old age of 93. So, another pressure of being the youngest, is that when you have a parent that lives to be in their 90's is that everybody looks to you, since you are the last kid still making a living, and the others are either retired on fixed incomes or about to be. More than once, after mom had to live in an old folks facility, the financial decisions would fall to me. And more than once I was the only one capable of handling the money side of things since my siblings live on tight budgets. Hell my older brother still calls me up occasionally to help him out financially since I am the only one still working.

Overall, you do you, and what is best for you and yours, but be aware that there is more than one way to look at this situation you may be getting into... Either decision you make, I am sure it be for the best.

Jesus Christ dude. You just described my life with just a couple of subtle variations. Uncanny.

 

[tOSU]

Ok, let me put this out there from the perspective of the youngest of four boys. My mom was 38 when I was born and my dad was 40. My oldest brother is 15 yrs older than me and my closest brother is 4 yrs older than me. The number one thing I remember when I was really young is that everybody else's parents were in their 20's or so, and my parents looked ancient beside them when ever they came to school functions. More than once I had to endure voices around me snickering when they would see the blatent age difference in my parents and theirs... my friends would meet them and say "Damn dude, is that really yer dad? He looks like he is as old as my grandpa."

Another thing that sticks out is how my grandparents died before I was 20. I fee like I really missed out on a lot of quality time with them, as well. As I got older, my parents health became an issue. My dad had smoked all his life so by the time I had kids all they remember of their grandfather is that he was this ancient guy who dragged around an oxygen bottle everywhere he went. He passed when I was 35. I still miss him to this day and wish we had been able to spend more time together.

Now, My mom far outlived Pops, and lived to the ripe old age of 93. So, another pressure of being the youngest, is that when you have a parent that lives to be in their 90's is that everybody looks to you, since you are the last kid still making a living, and the others are either retired on fixed incomes or about to be. More than once, after mom had to live in an old folks facility, the financial decisions would fall to me. And more than once I was the only one capable of handling the money side of things since my siblings live on tight budgets. Hell my older brother still calls me up occasionally to help him out financially since I am the only one still working.

Overall, you do you, and what is best for you and yours, but be aware that there is more than one way to look at this situation you may be getting into... Either decision you make, I am sure it be for the best.

I'm the youngest of eleven and my parents were 45 when they had me. Unfortunately my dad got cancer when I was 3 and passed when I was 4 but mom lived until she was 102! Only ever knew one grandparent and he passed when I was around 11.
Mom was great and I always felt loved. Sure, I wish that I could've had a father growing up but I guess you don't really miss something you only really had for a short time.
Mom would joke that I almost put her in the insane asylum because she couldn't believe that she was pregnant at 45 and I would reply that I was glad that she was pregnant and it was only almost.
My aunt (dad's sister) was wonderful support including emotional, spiritual, and financial. She was a special lady.
Funny thing is that mom was an only child and dad had only one sibling.
I was giving my brother Dave hell one day for not appreciating mom as much as he should. I told him that after all if it weren't for her he wouldn't be here. Without missing a beat he said "if she didn't have me somebody else would have".

 

[OldDevilDawg]

We only had one generation like that. Me and my twin were the 5th and 6th children from Dad and Mom and my son is 2 years older than my baby brother(Mom passed and dad married a woman younger than his first three kids).

So your saying Pops was hung like a horse and attracted a young one with the glorious phallus?

 

[Toadman005]

had my first at 40.

Any advice?

 

[batchaps4me]

So your saying Pops was hung like a horse and attracted a young one with the glorious phallus?

I don't know his secret but he could charm a nun into bad habits.

 

[pooods]

Any advice?

Tons most of which are cliches or you have already heard.

No order

- Time really does fly with your child. Blink twice and they are teenagers spreading their wings. While you are proud of their growth you are also sad that they do not need you quite as much in the day to day stuff. So, drink it up while you can.

- Take TONS of pictures and videos. Be that parent. You will appreciate them when they are out of the house.

- I have infinitely more patience now than when I was in my 20s&30s. I believe she feeds off the fact that I am more calm and is not quite as excitable. I am also no longer chasing a career and trying to be established, this gives me more time for her. On the flip side, I do not have the same energy as I did when I was younger. Not sure which is better.

- Being a coach has helped. It allowed me to create a team of like minded parents early on. I kept a core group together from kindergarten through 8th grade. It has been a blessing on a few fronts. It has allowed some control of who has influence on her. It has a built in group of athletic and academically driven girls to help her stay centered. The parents look out for all these girls, eyes are everywhere. The boys know who Scary Coach Pooods is and are afraid of him. If you have a talent in any sport I would highly suggest putting a group together.

- Help them study. Be involved in the school as much as possible from 1st - 7th grade. They will start wanting some independence around 8th.

- Take walks and eat dinner as a family.

- Cuddle on the couch and giggle while watching some dumb ass kids show. Read bedtimes stories and sing to them.

- If the grandparents are close, available, and decent human beings, get them involved.

Just some things on my mind this morning. You will be great. Kids are hard to break. They just need love and your time.

 

[Toadman005]

Tons most of which are cliches or you have already heard.

No order

- Time really does fly with your child. Blink twice and they are teenagers spreading their wings. While you are proud of their growth you are also sad that they do not need you quite as much in the day to day stuff. So, drink it up while you can.

- Take TONS of pictures and videos. Be that parent. You will appreciate them when they are out of the house.

- I have infinitely more patience now than when I was in my 20s&30s. I believe she feeds off the fact that I am more calm and is not quite as excitable. I am also no longer chasing a career and trying to be established, this gives me more time for her. On the flip side, I do not have the same energy as I did when I was younger. Not sure which is better.

- Being a coach has helped. It allowed me to create a team of like minded parents early on. I kept a core group together from kindergarten through 8th grade. It has been a blessing on a few fronts. It has allowed some control of who has influence on her. It has a built in group of athletic and academically driven girls to help her stay centered. The parents look out for all these girls, eyes are everywhere. The boys know who Scary Coach Pooods is and are afraid of him. If you have a talent in any sport I would highly suggest putting a group together.

- Help them study. Be involved in the school as much as possible from 1st - 7th grade. They will start wanting some independence around 8th.

- Take walks and eat dinner as a family.

- Cuddle on the couch and giggle while watching some dumb ass kids show. Read bedtimes stories and sing to them.

- If the grandparents are close, available, and decent human beings, get them involved.

Just some things on my mind this morning. You will be great. Kids are hard to break. They just need love and your time.

Thank you, this is awesome. Printing out and placing around as reminders.

 

[Long Time Sooner]

There's a huge (really significant) need for foster families right now. I've never once regretted helping a child, especially if they just need basic things like clean clothes, food, and someone to love on them and pay attention a little. These kids come to us with roach bites and meth addictions (in pregnancy) and they can't walk right because they are strapped in a crib. It's seriously bad, there are lots of trash people out there.

However, it is ultra-rare for us to foster a baby. Usually, it is toddlers and there are two or three of them to take at one time - the state doesn't break up sibling groups. Understandable.

So I might just pivot this to us taking two or more youngsters rather than try to bespoke another baby.

 

[RTR...USN (ret)]

There's a huge (really significant) need for foster families right now. I've never once regretted helping a child, especially if they just need basic things like clean clothes, food, and someone to love on them and pay attention a little. These kids come to us with roach bites and meth addictions (in pregnancy) and they can't walk right because they are strapped in a crib. It's seriously bad, there are lots of trash people out there.

However, it is ultra-rare for us to foster a baby. Usually, it is toddlers and there are two or three of them to take at one time - the state doesn't break up sibling groups. Understandable.

So I might just pivot this to us taking two or more youngsters rather than try to bespoke another baby.

You’re a good man!

 

[Hard2Bluff]

We cant all be Rod Stewart, but go for it. lol

 

[Long Time Sooner]

You’re a good man!

nah, I'm a moron like everyone else! But thank you!

 

[oldyarddog]

There's a huge (really significant) need for foster families right now. I've never once regretted helping a child, especially if they just need basic things like clean clothes, food, and someone to love on them and pay attention a little. These kids come to us with roach bites and meth addictions (in pregnancy) and they can't walk right because they are strapped in a crib. It's seriously bad, there are lots of trash people out there.

However, it is ultra-rare for us to foster a baby. Usually, it is toddlers and there are two or three of them to take at one time - the state doesn't break up sibling groups. Understandable.

So I might just pivot this to us taking two or more youngsters rather than try to bespoke another baby.

Go this route in my opinion.

My oldest brother did the foster parent role while raising his own kids. After his kids grew and left the nest he ended up adopting two foster kids, one diagnosed with md and eventually in a wheel chair.

His oldest daughter has adopted four foster kids. I text with him every morning and it is chaos at his house with his grandkids and two adopted kids over there daily but I know it’s a happy life and he’s in his early 70’s.

 

[Hard2Bluff]

Go this route in my opinion.

My oldest brother did the foster parent role while raising his own kids. After his kids grew and left the nest he ended up adopting two foster kids, one diagnosed with md and eventually in a wheel chair.

His oldest daughter has adopted four foster kids. I text with him every morning and it is chaos at his house with his grandkids and two adopted kids over there daily but I know it’s a happy life and he’s in his early 70’s.

Not to be negative, but most of the foster kids have a lot of problems. It's not their fault, but you better be ready for the long haul into thier adulthood. I meet so many families with great intentions, but are severely burnt out later. I applaud them for what they sacrifice. Im not too embarrassed to cry hearing about their stories. The people who take them in are real angels, but a lot dont know what they are getting into. There are good stories too, so I dont want anyone to think otherwise, I just deal with the families going through very tough times., so Im probably jaded.

 

[oldyarddog]

Not to be negative, but most of the foster kids have a lot of problems. It's not their fault, but you better be ready for the long haul into thier adulthood. I meet so many families with great intentions, but are severely burnt out later. I applaud them for what they sacrifice. Im not too embarrassed to cry hearing about their stories. The people who take them in are real angels, but a lot dont know what they are getting into. There are good stories too, so I dont want anyone to think otherwise, I just deal with the families going through very tough times., so Im probably jaded.

You are 100% correct. I personally know of a couple horror stories for both the adoptive parents and the child. One would send shivers down your spine. I also know of one that would make the must evil person you know on earth cry with tears of a warm heart.

It’s not an easy road as you have stated and definitely not for everyone.

 

[Long Time Sooner]

Not to be negative, but most of the foster kids have a lot of problems. It's not their fault, but you better be ready for the long haul into thier adulthood. I meet so many families with great intentions, but are severely burnt out later. I applaud them for what they sacrifice. Im not too embarrassed to cry hearing about their stories. The people who take them in are real angels, but a lot dont know what they are getting into. There are good stories too, so I dont want anyone to think otherwise, I just deal with the families going through very tough times., so Im probably jaded.

for real. if you let the behavior issues dominate your relationships, you can get burned out quick. In OK, there's a subset of fostering called 'respite care' that is designed to give sanity breaks.

 

[Long Time Sooner]

Any advice?

First, don't let your wife be too discouraged by reading stuff about having pregnancy issues near 40. I'm not sure what the entire story is with you and your wife (and it's none of my beeswax), but it's easy to overthink things and get all wrapped up in guilt and pressure to hit a certain age or feeling inadequate or that you failed something, especially for the wives.

Being young grandparents is awesome, but also not being dirt-ass poor and just starting out while you have babies is too. Living life just between you and your wife with no children is a gift too. Kids are awesome, but life is what you make of it!

 

[Basement Bias]

Wife is getting baby fever too. A lot of people we know are expecting.

 

[pooods]

Wife is getting baby fever too. A lot of people we know are expecting.

my wife told me i could have another kid with my next wife

 

[Toadman005]

my wife told me i could have another kid with my next wife

That was nice of her.