Suicide

[Bama Believer]

Guys I've got something laying heavy on my heart right now, and if you'll indulge me a moment for a serious thread I would appreciate it..

I just found out that a co worker who I shared 20 years with shot himself 2 nights ago.
Now he was in a position very similar to mine for another dept. and we had a lot of head butting run ins over the years but I always respected him and I think he respected me.. He was a very smart man, very personable, and most people liked him.
Nobody knows the "why", no note, nothing.. people are assuming some kind of deep depression that was well hidden.. He leaves behind a wife, 3 kids, and 7 grands.. whose lives will be forever tarnished and whose Christmas will forever be a sad time..

I'm angry,, thats the emotion that comes up first.. He was a smart enough guy to know how to reach out for help. There may be something else that comes out in the days to come that shed new light on this but for now,, all I can think of is how selfish this action was and the shattered lives that he left behind that will forever wonder what they could have done.

My dad told me something when I was a teenager and I've told my son no less than a hundred times the same thing,, "There is nothing so bad that you cant go 500 miles in any direction and start over".

I would like to tell all of you,, any of you.. If you are feeling depressed and feeling like there is no way out or your just plain too tired to keep trying.. Please send me a private message and lets talk it out.. sometimes just talking to somebody who is not in your daily face to face rotation can give you the courage to talk about whatever is going on.. I may not be more than a dumbass redneck but I do care about people and I'm a good listener,, especially if theres a drink handy.

 

[LyquidMetal]

Guys I've got something laying heavy on my heart right now, and if you'll indulge me a moment for a serious thread I would appreciate it..

I just found out that a co worker who I shared 20 years with shot himself 2 nights ago.
Now he was in a position very similar to mine for another dept. and we had a lot of head butting run ins over the years but I always respected him and I think he respected me.. He was a very smart man, very personable, and most people liked him.
Nobody knows the "why", no note, nothing.. people are assuming some kind of deep depression that was well hidden.. He leaves behind a wife, 3 kids, and 7 grands.. whose lives will be forever tarnished and whose Christmas will forever be a sad time..

I'm angry,, thats the emotion that comes up first.. He was a smart enough guy to know how to reach out for help. There may be something else that comes out in the days to come that shed new light on this but for now,, all I can think of is how selfish this action was and the shattered lives that he left behind that will forever wonder what they could have done.

My dad told me something when I was a teenager and I've told my son no less than a hundred times the same thing,, "There is nothing so bad that you cant go 500 miles in any direction and start over".

I would like to tell all of you,, any of you.. If you are feeling depressed and feeling like there is no way out or your just plain too tired to keep trying.. Please send me a private message and lets talk it out.. sometimes just talking to somebody who is not in your daily face to face rotation can give you the courage to talk about whatever is going on.. I may not be more than a dumbass redneck but I do care about people and I'm a good listener,, especially if theres a drink handy.

//"There is nothing so bad that you cant go 500 miles in any direction and start over". \\
I have lived that. Depression can be an absolute bitch. I'm a classic case of the depressive alcoholic. Being in AA now I have had several bouts where I went into a pretty deep dark place.
Have learned now to deal with it. Not easy but doable.

 

[RTR...USN (ret)]

Guys I've got something laying heavy on my heart right now, and if you'll indulge me a moment for a serious thread I would appreciate it..

I just found out that a co worker who I shared 20 years with shot himself 2 nights ago.
Now he was in a position very similar to mine for another dept. and we had a lot of head butting run ins over the years but I always respected him and I think he respected me.. He was a very smart man, very personable, and most people liked him.
Nobody knows the "why", no note, nothing.. people are assuming some kind of deep depression that was well hidden.. He leaves behind a wife, 3 kids, and 7 grands.. whose lives will be forever tarnished and whose Christmas will forever be a sad time..

I'm angry,, thats the emotion that comes up first.. He was a smart enough guy to know how to reach out for help. There may be something else that comes out in the days to come that shed new light on this but for now,, all I can think of is how selfish this action was and the shattered lives that he left behind that will forever wonder what they could have done.

My dad told me something when I was a teenager and I've told my son no less than a hundred times the same thing,, "There is nothing so bad that you cant go 500 miles in any direction and start over".

I would like to tell all of you,, any of you.. If you are feeling depressed and feeling like there is no way out or your just plain too tired to keep trying.. Please send me a private message and lets talk it out.. sometimes just talking to somebody who is not in your daily face to face rotation can give you the courage to talk about whatever is going on.. I may not be more than a dumbass redneck but I do care about people and I'm a good listener,, especially if theres a drink handy.

Suicide doesn't end the pain... it only transfers the pain to those who are left behind. I have lost friends and coworkers to suicide and after the initial shock and sadness I'm like you. It pisses me off. It pisses me off that they didn't reach out to me or someone else. It pisses me off that they thought things were so hopeless they had no other choice. It pisses me off that mental health has such a stigma that people are too embarrassed to seek the help they desperately need. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. No matter how bad it gets, it isn't that bad.

Copied from a friends facebook who lost a daughter to suicide.

My house is a safe zone. Coffee can be on in minutes, or beer can be opened. My kitchen table is a place of peace and non-judgment. We can sit on the patio in the nice weather or in the warm living room when it’s cold outside. Anyone who needs to chat is welcome anytime. We can talk, share a laugh or two, or just listen.
It's no good suffering in silence. I have food or we can always order out, eat and cry. I will always do my best to be available...you are always welcome!! Just come.
This is an old value that has been lost to technology...a text, facetime, gif or emoji is not the equivalent.

 

[Bama Believer]

//"There is nothing so bad that you cant go 500 miles in any direction and start over". \\
I have lived that. Depression can be an absolute bitch. I'm a classic case of the depressive alcoholic. Being in AA now I have had several bouts where I went into a pretty deep dark place.
Have learned now to deal with it. Not easy but doable.

My offer stands,,, you are way to cool not to have around.. I'm glad you have found a way to deal .. and hell yes, depression has many layers and can go deep as hell...

 

[PSUTE]

Depression hurts. Mentally, emotionally and physically. Sometimes even the brightest of us don't reach out when we need to, and the pain gets to be too much. Sucks for the survivors...

 

[LyquidMetal]

My offer stands,,, you are way to cool not to have around.. I'm glad you have found a way to deal .. and hell yes, depression has many layers and can go deep as hell...

Appreciate that. But, you see, I stay on top of my alcoholism. I still go to meetings fairly regularly. Stay in touch with others in the program. And am somewhat involved.

 

[RTR...USN (ret)]

Appreciate that. But, you see, I stay on top of my alcoholism. I still go to meetings fairly regularly. Stay in touch with others in the program. And am somewhat involved.

Everyone has demons, and we all deal with them in different ways. It's not HOW you deal with them, it's the fact that you ARE dealing with them.
I'm always here, for anyone on this board. If you or another member need to chat, PM me and I'll give you my cell number.

 

[RTR...USN (ret)]

This is probably a good place to drop the phone number and website for the National Suicide Prevention Landline. Don't be afraid to make the call. It's anonymous, and helpful in difficult times.

1-800-273-8255

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

 

[Bama Believer]

Everyone has demons, and we all deal with them in different ways. It's not HOW you deal with them, it's the fact that you ARE dealing with them.
I'm always here, for anyone on this board. If you or another member need to chat, PM me and I'll give you my cell number.

No doubt,,, I struggle with trying to be the man I'm supposed to be.. Trying to guide my son through the struggle of life, he's 23,, I dont always have the right answers,, all I can do is tell him how I learned to cope. and that wasnt always the right way... but I got through it.. so far..

 

[PSUTE]

No doubt,,, I struggle with trying to be the man I'm supposed to be.. Trying to guide my son through the struggle of life, he's 23,, I dont always have the right answers,, all I can do is tell him how I learned to cope. and that wasnt always the right way... but I got through it.. so far..

Life is a journey. We all have different paths, each as challenging to us as anybody else's is to them. Sometimes it appears that other people walk an easier path. Not true. They are just different...

 

[Hard2Bluff]

Guys I've got something laying heavy on my heart right now, and if you'll indulge me a moment for a serious thread I would appreciate it..

I just found out that a co worker who I shared 20 years with shot himself 2 nights ago.
Now he was in a position very similar to mine for another dept. and we had a lot of head butting run ins over the years but I always respected him and I think he respected me.. He was a very smart man, very personable, and most people liked him.
Nobody knows the "why", no note, nothing.. people are assuming some kind of deep depression that was well hidden.. He leaves behind a wife, 3 kids, and 7 grands.. whose lives will be forever tarnished and whose Christmas will forever be a sad time..

I'm angry,, thats the emotion that comes up first.. He was a smart enough guy to know how to reach out for help. There may be something else that comes out in the days to come that shed new light on this but for now,, all I can think of is how selfish this action was and the shattered lives that he left behind that will forever wonder what they could have done.

My dad told me something when I was a teenager and I've told my son no less than a hundred times the same thing,, "There is nothing so bad that you cant go 500 miles in any direction and start over".

I would like to tell all of you,, any of you.. If you are feeling depressed and feeling like there is no way out or your just plain too tired to keep trying.. Please send me a private message and lets talk it out.. sometimes just talking to somebody who is not in your daily face to face rotation can give you the courage to talk about whatever is going on.. I may not be more than a dumbass redneck but I do care about people and I'm a good listener,, especially if theres a drink handy.

Sorry to hear about your coworker. I work crisis stuff. Its a myth that most people leave notes, like committing suicide naked in a bath tub. Most dont want themselves to be discovered naked. I wish more people would reach out. Women have more "attempts" as a cry for help, men usually do it with more means of being lethal such as with guns versus overdose.
As men, we keep things bottled up. Most women have outlets for talking or crying to friends/family about what they are going through emotionally. Guys dont talk about stuff because it is perceived as a sign of weakness. We need to educate more people about mental health problems and not be afraid to get help due to perceived stigma! SOLID POST @Bama Believer

 

[LyquidMetal]

And for a last touch on this subject. Yeah, it can look like weakness to admit to having a problem and asking for help. But that's the way it is.

The tragedy is not in having a problem. The tragedy is in not looking for help/doing something about it.

 

[Bama Believer]

And for a last touch on this subject. Yeah, it can look like weakness to admit to having a problem and asking for help. But that's the way it is.

The tragedy is not in having a problem. The tragedy is in not looking for help/doing something about it.

Real strength is the abilty to be vulnerable and to seek help when needed..

 

[batchaps4me]

I have been on the verge myself and am still getting therapy. Contact me as well, I will give anyone my cell number for this. Trying to keep it short as possible, I have went through a lot of pain(knees, back, ankles and hips). At one point I just focused on going to work, no matter what. That was the driving force in my life. It came to an end a decade ago … I was becoming a danger to myself and others at the chemical plant. By the end of a shift I was peg legged. Any bending of my knee and I would fall. I couldn't take pain meds because I was at a chemical plant working with 2 dozen SAFER chemicals plus organic peroxides so I spent most of my off time in tears.

It snuck up on me … I would be driving down a road and found myself thinking that a car wreck was max cash for my wife. It was more than a thought popping into my mind and one day I said this would be the spot, a perfect accident spot. When I got home I really got to studying about what the hell I was thinking and checked myself into inpatient care at the VA. I still don't believe that I was actively planning ... just recognizing opportunities. Take that as a major warning sign!!!!TBH, I was just an impulse away. One bad morning, one sharp pain while driving would have been all it took. Nobody knew but me. When I was around others, I was my normal jackass self, laughing and being the source of laughter for others. If you find yourself doing this, reach out to anyone. Please don't let it get that far, there is help available and it works.

 

[Hard2Bluff]

I have been on the verge myself and am still getting therapy. Contact me as well, I will give anyone my cell number for this. Trying to keep it short as possible, I have went through a lot of pain(knees, back, ankles and hips). At one point I just focused on going to work, no matter what. That was the driving force in my life. It came to an end a decade ago … I was becoming a danger to myself and others at the chemical plant. By the end of a shift I was peg legged. Any bending of my knee and I would fall. I couldn't take pain meds because I was at a chemical plant working with 2 dozen SAFER chemicals plus organic peroxides so I spent most of my off time in tears.

It snuck up on me … I would be driving down a road and found myself thinking that a car wreck was max cash for my wife. It was more than a thought popping into my mind and one day I said this would be the spot, a perfect accident spot. When I got home I really got to studying about what the hell I was thinking and checked myself into inpatient care at the VA. I still don't believe that I was actively planning ... just recognizing opportunities. Take that as a major warning sign!!!!TBH, I was just an impulse away. One bad morning, one sharp pain while driving would have been all it took. Nobody knew but me. When I was around others, I was my normal jackass self, laughing and being the source of laughter for others. If you find yourself doing this, reach out to anyone. Please don't let it get that far, there is help available and it works.

I think we all have those fleeting thoughts. Im sorry for the pain that you are going/went through. Those negative thoughts drive us down a dismal place. Im glad you are with us, I enjoy your posts, and more importantly, you have other people that care about you! TY for your testimony!

 

[RTR...USN (ret)]

I have been on the verge myself and am still getting therapy. Contact me as well, I will give anyone my cell number for this. Trying to keep it short as possible, I have went through a lot of pain(knees, back, ankles and hips). At one point I just focused on going to work, no matter what. That was the driving force in my life. It came to an end a decade ago … I was becoming a danger to myself and others at the chemical plant. By the end of a shift I was peg legged. Any bending of my knee and I would fall. I couldn't take pain meds because I was at a chemical plant working with 2 dozen SAFER chemicals plus organic peroxides so I spent most of my off time in tears.

It snuck up on me … I would be driving down a road and found myself thinking that a car wreck was max cash for my wife. It was more than a thought popping into my mind and one day I said this would be the spot, a perfect accident spot. When I got home I really got to studying about what the hell I was thinking and checked myself into inpatient care at the VA. I still don't believe that I was actively planning ... just recognizing opportunities. Take that as a major warning sign!!!!TBH, I was just an impulse away. One bad morning, one sharp pain while driving would have been all it took. Nobody knew but me. When I was around others, I was my normal jackass self, laughing and being the source of laughter for others. If you find yourself doing this, reach out to anyone. Please don't let it get that far, there is help available and it works.

Thanks for sharing my friend. Sometimes just hearing that others are having trouble too can help someone who is struggling, and make them realize they are not alone.

 

[PSUTE]

Thanks for sharing my friend. Sometimes just hearing that others are having trouble too can help someone who is struggling, and make them realize they are not alone.

Bingo. Not one of us is alone up in here. There are enough of us now that there is at least one other who is going through/survived going through what any of the rest of us are/will. We have a proven track record of being a support system for each other. Applies to a lot of noted posters here...

 

[Bama Believer]

I have been on the verge myself and am still getting therapy. Contact me as well, I will give anyone my cell number for this. Trying to keep it short as possible, I have went through a lot of pain(knees, back, ankles and hips). At one point I just focused on going to work, no matter what. That was the driving force in my life. It came to an end a decade ago … I was becoming a danger to myself and others at the chemical plant. By the end of a shift I was peg legged. Any bending of my knee and I would fall. I couldn't take pain meds because I was at a chemical plant working with 2 dozen SAFER chemicals plus organic peroxides so I spent most of my off time in tears.

It snuck up on me … I would be driving down a road and found myself thinking that a car wreck was max cash for my wife. It was more than a thought popping into my mind and one day I said this would be the spot, a perfect accident spot. When I got home I really got to studying about what the hell I was thinking and checked myself into inpatient care at the VA. I still don't believe that I was actively planning ... just recognizing opportunities. Take that as a major warning sign!!!!TBH, I was just an impulse away. One bad morning, one sharp pain while driving would have been all it took. Nobody knew but me. When I was around others, I was my normal jackass self, laughing and being the source of laughter for others. If you find yourself doing this, reach out to anyone. Please don't let it get that far, there is help available and it works.

I'm so glad you found a way and a will ... you are needed.. merry Christmas bats..

 

[OldDevilDawg]

I ain't scared of shit, but I simply don't have the gonads to off myself. I cannot imagine the pain one would have to feel to even think that was an option.

I'm not saying I'm in a "better place" or "more prepared" for the absolute bullshit that life throws at all of us every day, but I simply cannot imagine a scenario where I would make the choice to quit.

 

[batchaps4me]

I'm so glad you found a way and a will ... you are needed.. merry Christmas bats..

Thank you BB and Merry Christmas to you and yours as well.

I ain't scared of shit, but I simply don't have the gonads to off myself. I cannot imagine the pain one would have to feel to even think that was an option.
I'm not saying I'm in a "better place" or "more prepared" for the absolute bullshit that life throws at all of us every day, but I simply cannot imagine a scenario where I would make the choice to quit.

In my case, and I assume the cases of many others, it wasn't a cowardice/bravery issue but more of an apathy one. I hope what I am about to say gives a little comfort to those that lost a loved one to suicide and as a cautionary tale for everyone else. I showed very few signs and IMHO I never planned to do it. In my case, I was losing the last and biggest thing I tied to my self worth. I was financially sound ... always lived off of less than I earned and carried enough LTD insurance that loss of my job was not really a loss of income... but I loved what I did and was just two years away from getting "off my tools" into a supervisor role if not a divisional safety role(which I coveted as a departmental safety rep). I was so close to earning my dream job that would give me another decade or so of work.

When that crumbled, those fleeting thoughts just got more frequent and I did not have the tools to identify and adjust. I have several firearms had I wanted to actively plan it but that was never a realistic thought. But when you are losing something so valued, apathy towards life can set in and you are just an impulse at the wrong moment away from doing something permanently stupid. The day I sought help, I had spent a lot of time with Google trying to find out what was going on in my head and got no real answers. I was not showing enough signs of clinical depression nor suicidal tendencies to self identify that. My psychiatrist said that I was closer than I will never know and it was just a matter of when, not if I got that impulse. It is always a person's decision and responsibility but that does not mean that it is a plan nor really the intent.

I want to leave everyone with this thought. In my safety rep role, I was tapped for root cause analysis training and later participated on three RCA teams involving loss of life incidents at other plants/companies. The one thing that happened in all of the incidents was not one major decision but rather a series of seemingly very minor decisions/actions that taken in aggregate lead up to a major incident. At any point in the series of events just one minor observation/decision could have prevented a major loss of life incident. IMHO suicide can and does follow that pattern.