This happened before I was born but Dad and Uncle Babe told the same story:
Dad and Uncle Babe ... before I go any further, both were horndogs and had been caught on occasions, they were running buddies that married sisters ... both worked in Peoria, IL about 60 miles away from the house. They rode to work together when they could, one worked at the Caterpillar plant the other at the railroad. One evening after work they stopped off for one beer each. Now when I say "each" I mean at each pub between Peoria and home. Dad says that everyone in that area owned a pub so it took a while.
So about 0300 they pull into the driveway at Uncle Babe's farmhouse and Aunt Dorothy was standing in the door holding a butcher's knife. Dad stopped and asked Uncle Babe what he wanted to do and Babe said that he had to get out but couldn't. Aunt Dorothy sauntered towards the car ... Dad said it was scary how casual a crazed, pissed off woman can walk while trying different grips on a butcher's knife while talking to herself ... and panic set in. There was a brief argument because Babe would not get out of the car and was too afraid to leave. Dad said he started to reach for his gun and yelled, "Babe, if that crazy bitch gets here I am going to have to shoot her to save my life then I am going to have to shoot you over shooting her. Or I can just shoot you and save her life ... choose". Babe got out through the back door's window and Dad hauled ass.
When Dad parked at the house, there was not one light, television or radio on in the house. He knew he was in a world of shit but thought he would at least not have to hear about it until morning. When he opened the front door, there Mom was sitting on the couch in the dark. Dad said she did not move nor say a word ... she was just waiting. Dad ghosted her and went straight to bed, eyes and ears wide open. He said he laid there for what seemed like hours without seeing nor hearing a peep but as drunk as he was, it was probably 15 minutes.
As Dad got to the point he was almost asleep, he felt Mom getting into bed but just thought that the morning was going to be hell. About that time Dad felt the weight of Mom sitting on his chest. His eyes popped open to see Mom sitting straddle of him with his arms pinned at his side under the blankets ... she had a skateboard raised over her head. Dad said he had three options: left side, right side or middle of the forehead. I asked him which one did he choose and she said, "All of them at one point or another. It would have killed me if the wheels were turned down." She never said a word.
The next morning Dad got up and breakfast was on the table. He was afraid to eat it and Mom gave him the look. Dad said he had gotten that look many times before but from this time on it just meant something entirely different so he sat down and ate. He was sure Babe was dead but was afraid to ask or call and was too damned afraid to leave the yard and go see. Mom never said a word.
Monday morning came around and Dad and Babe met up at their normal gas station stop. Babe was sure Dad was dead. Apparently Aunt Dorothy about destroyed the house throwing shit at Babe after she got one minor slash on his forearm. She dared him to fall asleep first. He did later that morning at the kitchen table, drinking coffee, and woke up to Dorothy looking down on him, holding his head back with a fist full of hair and that knife at his throat saying, "Look here you son of a bitch, decide right now if I will cut your fucking head off and feed you to the pigs if you ever do this again. If you think I am bluffing, say so now and either way you will never wonder about it again."
Dad said that three things changed after that: they never rode to work together, if they were going to be 15 minutes late they called and none of Dad's kids were never allowed to have skateboards again. Mom never did say anything to Dad about that night, never even referenced it. Dad said that she never had to since that look was so effective.
